Something about an impending move makes being at home unbearable, maybe because it isn't home or because the walls house memories of a tough year? I came back after another night at my mom's to find one of the living room pictures hanging very crooked on the wall, and the microwave shifted back slightly on top of the fridge. Nothing else seemed out of place. I imagine the house shaking, quaking maybe. I'm tired of the stress. I am walking away from the stress.
Where do you begin when you need to pack, but you don't know where you're going? I know that mentally, emotionally, I am headed for calm water. I am leaving the war torn town. I can't figure out which room to start with. The kitchen? Dishes? Grace's room? Books? I am here alone; I can be here alone, but bringing Grace here is hard. I want to protect her from the chaos, from the anger directed at the walls which haven't done me any wrong, really. They are cracking and the paint is bad, but it's not their fault.
If I had boxes, this would be a lot easier. I'm a messy packer. I need to just throw things in containers and load them into a truck and leave. I got mail, today. Lots of zines, and a postcard from Berlin. I don't know what to change my address to.
4 comments:
I almost always start with books and then do art/ photos unnecessary kitchen stuff and then the clothes I don't need and then kitchen and last of all toys, bathroom, and stuff I'm currently using. I'm a horrible messy packer too. I love unpacking, but hate packing and the last days in an old place are the worst.
I send you calm and fortitude and resiliance and know that you have all of those qualities in spades, already. <3
Always start with the things that make you smile. That way when you get to where your going be sure to open those boxes first. Its always best to start with a smile.
<3
JLB
these are great ideas :)
thank you!
Ok, first of all we're leading somewhat parallel lives. I'm in the middle of an interstate move, but even up until 5 days ago I didn't even know if we were staying where we are OR moving to the northeast... Renting or owning? What city or town, and what school systems I would need to transfer my kid to. Now I'm in flux with what date do we move and where do we go in the interim until we can into said new house. :( life is a mess. I am a mess. I'm reading the same kind of sorrow and unsettling feeling in your post here. Btw, I have black hair, and am very pale skinned with thick black rimmed glasses! :D just try to breathe. Verbal affirmations aloud are REALLY helping me. As is "Clannad Radio" on Pandora. Phew. It's supposed to get easier at some point, right?!?!? (((((hugs)))
- Abbie
www.malaproposfreak.com/2011/06/open-houses-are-for-nosey-neighbors.html
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