waiting, burning

the clock is ticking towards ten, and i've got sesame street on the tv, waiting for grace to wake up. it's been hot, and we i haven't slept through the night in a while. i've finished a big cup of tea, just like the way my dad made it. i woke up mad, feelings leftover from last night, wanting to be mothered, wanting to be five again, wanting to be maybe even smaller. we are playing the waiting game; waiting on phone calls from apartments, waiting for something to feel right, waiting for a textbook to come in the mail and maybe some letters, waiting for the day to unfold.

with the heat and how dry it's been (we had rain for a few minutes yesterday, a lot of thunder, and then more hot sun), grace has been worried about fire (can the cat jump out the window? will we have to go back and get her?), and consequently i've been thinking about the burning house blog. what would i save, realistically speaking (because you can see, most of these photos are not realistic, unless you make an in-case-of-fire-box trunk)? i thought about the things i'd need to save: my computer. grace's blankie, maybe. my phone, to call for help. then i wondered what i could put the cat in so she wouldn't run away, and wondered if throwing away that leash was such a great idea. maybe i should put her collar back on. this essay has it right. everything will burn. sometimes i lock my car, and sometimes i don't...mostly because i think that if someone wants to break in, they'll either shatter the window or open the door, and i'd rather not have shards of glass to clean up. i think there are a lot of things here that i wouldn't save. there are many things here that i love, though, things i take care of and things i treasure. they just aren't things i'd take with me because i can't imagine myself sitting on the grass across the street with a mountain of my belongings; i'd have to be able to carry everything in one trip. it would all have to fit in a bag.

i've had a sore throat for five days now. so far, nothing is helping. more waiting. i want to read robert bly. i want to knit watermelons and strawberries and baby booties with soft cotton yarn. i love all of these spaces. on the creative process. i really love this movie.

i would love to have a shelf like this. this book looks fun.

she's up now. what's next?